My subconscious mind has a way of twisting every virtue I have into a point of my own failure, and I'd like it to stop.
It is good that I care about the people around me. Even when I can't do anything tangible to help, it doesn't mean that I'm a failure.
If I allow the desire to be helpful to be my only motivation for self-improvement, I will be affirming the idea that I'm not worth my effort, only others are, thus making real self-improvement impossible.
So enough with this idea that if I spent as much time on stabilizing my situation in life as I do worrying about others' problems, I'd be able to offer real help to them. I can offer help now, and only allowing myself to expend effort for the benefit of others is the shovel that dug me into this hole in the first place.
Why do I always feel like I'm lying when I tell anyone I can do something?
HOLY SHIT, SUNDAY IS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DID NOT NOTICE THIS UNTIL JUST NOW.
I'm in baltimore for Otakon, and will be in some combination of Silver Spring and/or Bethesda for the week following.
Something to try the next time you have a headache:
Close your eyes, focus your entire concentration on the nearest area that is not in pain, especially focusing on any parts of your head that are not in pain. Experience this sensation of in the fullest detail you can. Imagine that the other part no longer exists, only the focused parts are real. Now gradually imagine the area of these parts expanding, slowly and painlessly, until your entire head's surface is covered by the sensation of normalcy. If done properly, you will not even notice a change, but your headache will be gone. If it worked, congratulations, you have just discovered the art of healing meditation.
I would not recommend this for any serious ailment or as a substitute for medical treatement, but for life's small discomforts, it can work wonders. For instance, since discovering this process, I have only had to suffer headaches from sleep deprivation, when I lacked the necessary concentration for this sort of thing, or severe sinus infections, where the pain would just start right back up because of continual causation. In these years, however, I also have not refined it much beyond this.
This technique, particularly, is one I discovered towards the beginning of junior high school. At the time, I was suffering from an incurable ailment called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (later to be known as Chronic Fatigue ImmunoDeficiency Syndrome), and someone I had recently met with Fibromyalgia (and possibly Multiple Sclerosis -- my memory is a bit fuzzy on this point) told me about the work she had been doing with biofeedback. Biofeedback is something she described as basically "lying to yourself until your body believes it". The upside was that it had had a fair amount of success in treating some otherwise intractable ailments like ours. The downside was that, success and failure alike, biofeedback patients had a pretty high chance of going on to become pathological liars, perhaps indicating that the work was better cut out for hypnotists or placebo pills. And though the Chronic Fatigue eventually went away in my case, it was not because of biofeedback or healing meditation or any such a thing. See, in my case, it seems to have been entirely caused by severe mold allergies, and my family eventually moved out of the water-damaged apartment we were in.
I saw tne Watchmen movie tonight, and my overall feeling is that it did the graphic novel justice. Yes, some parts which would have helped to bring the story into a fuller light were cut. However, strictly speaking, they weren't necessary to follow the story.
In fact, when I read the graphic novel, I skipped over "Under the Hood" and "Tales of the Black Freighter" segments when I got to them, and then went back and read them after I finished the storyline proper.
Perhaps, though, it would have worked better as two 2.5 hour movies instead of one 3 hour film.
My only complaints are that the director perhaps overemphasized the blood&gutsiness of the action sequences (similarly to "The 300", but on nowhere near the scale) and the actioniness of the jailbreak scene.
I definitely liked the film, though, and would recommend it to fans of the original work. Very much unlike the film adaptation of V for Vendetta, which I could not make it through in one sitting because of my disgust at how terribly everyone involved had missed the point of the original work.